you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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