I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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