My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
