My sheets look like a crime scene.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
