I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
