i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
