Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
