I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
