Hey man sorry I got all grabby
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
