I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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