I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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