My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
