just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
