aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
