so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize