the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
