So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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