Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
