i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
