Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
