Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
