the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
