Me too!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
