this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
