So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
