So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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