if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
