I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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