Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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