I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
