I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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