The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
