Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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