Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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