Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
