when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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