Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
