Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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