why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
