Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
