i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
