WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
