Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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