Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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