Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
