wanna go halves on a baby?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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