Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
