you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
