I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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