I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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