Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
